so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Randomize
