Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
