His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I intend to get homeless drunk
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
