shes about as inviting as chlamydia
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
