Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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