We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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