At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
