I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
