But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
