help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
