$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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