I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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