my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
