Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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