Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
