Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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