dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
