Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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