Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
