Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
