Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
