I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
