And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
