you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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