I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
