I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Two words: blizzard sex
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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