I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
