Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
