my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I think i got beer on your cat.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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