I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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