U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
God gave him joint rollers for hands
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize