There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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