i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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