I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I cannot find my penis.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize