After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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