Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I FOUND THE LEGS
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
