true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
