where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
