oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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