he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
