I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
