So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
What drink are we having for lunch?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
