awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
