Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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