Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
