did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
