I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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