I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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