I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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