She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
