Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
