I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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