good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
