I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
