no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
