i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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