YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize