i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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