he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You are a genius and a whore.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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