Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
