Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
