I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
