If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
MIDGETS
????
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
