In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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