The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
