Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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