yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
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