its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
