He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
