one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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