morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
