On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
