woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
