Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
