Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
