Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
