break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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