I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
