Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
