one two three fourrrrnication!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
