Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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